one to one

I was at my church camp in the past week. I was looking forward to it for many reasons. One of it was the opportunity to spend time with my family - away from the usual routines of school, schoolwork, cooking etc - before school restarts and the stresses the children face limit my leisure time with them. But what turned out was something I hardly expected. My eldest bunked in with a fellow youth and was among other youths throughout the camp so I hardly saw him [but we did have a good chat after the camp at delifrance over coffee break ...]; number two was so busy with CCA and DSA that she had to pull out of camp last minute; number three volunteered for some artwork Programme in the camp and was so committed that, though she shared room with us, we only saw her just before sleeping time and a little after waking time. My wife was also too busy for me - my mother in law came for the camp and she needed to help her around. So only one person in the family had time for me: the youngest 5-year old. Well, it meant that all that my wife usually does with him - feeding him, helping him during sermon time, watching over his safety, bringing him to the pool, showering him etc - was taken over by yours truly. For the first few hours, I could sense that he was not used to second-rate service. [dad doesn't fuss around him so much, doesn't give him many options of food, is stricter with his manners etc]. After a while, he learnt to accept the fact that dad would be 'mum' for much of the camp. As it turned out, it was a blessing in disguise. I realized the last few days was a period that I spent the most time with my youngest child. I watched over every detail of his life and learnt to enjoy his company with me throughout the day. This is something I never get to do on normal days when I had to distribute my time among four (not to forget also time with my wife). It just occurred to me that it is a priceless blessing to watch in close quarter and share in the experience of my growing child in the significant milestones of growth in his life: able to read, able to feed himself, able to swim without floats ... It is a good reminder that I should spend more time to enjoy my children (not just corporately, but also individually) as they are growing up fast. Once past, that earlier stage of their lives cannot be 'relived'. So we shouldn't think of it as responsibility or duty, but rather as a pleasure and blessing.

Lessons from Kilimanjaro

I returned from the Mt Kilimanjaro climb about a week ago. It has taken a while for the realities of the experiences to set in ... I thought to share some lessons here before they become distant memory. It was a very tough climb - both physically and mentally. it took the team more than 8 hrs in the final ascent day to get to the summit - amidst subzero temperature, unrelenting blasting wind, low levels of oxygen, slippery slopes, lack of sleep, and under the cover of darkness. But i suppose all these contribute to the sweetness of success. There is a sense in which, without the toughness, there will be less satisfaction: the strength of the feeling of achievement comes with the toughness of getting there. It is consistent with the adage of "no pain no gain", implying that "gain" comes through "pain". This reminds me that this might be the same for the children too. Often, there is temptation to shield our children from toughness. But worthwhile goals in life often come with a lot of exertion and perseverance through toughness. I think of the common complaints that my children offered when they were younger, "this CCA practices are so tough and boring; when I first joined, I thought it would be fun!" my initial instinct was to release them of their 'torture' by allowing them to quit. Later, I would learn that they should persevere for at least a reasonable length of time more. Usually, when they later tasted of the fruits of hard labour, they found the tough journey worthwhile and necessary. But one ingredient I thought was very important for the reaching of the summit was pole pole (pronounced as po-le po-le in Swahili which means going very slowly). The main problem hindering success is poor acclimatization, especially to the low levels of oxygen. Going pole pole increases the chance of our body getting used to lesser oxygen per inhale. Conversely, those who rush the ascent tends to accentuate the occurrence of acute mountain sickness. How true it is in the development of our children. It cannot be rushed, can it? It is easy for us to lose patience and want them to learn - fast (often faster than they are comfortable with) - and the effects can be worse. We need to observe their steps and follow their pace - one step at a time, slowly, often repeatedly. It may take very much longer, but we should get there nevertheless.