Father as leader of the family

In my casual chats with my children, I sometimes pop this question to them, "your friends in school - how do they they view their father?" On the whole, the portrait is one where the father is one they go to for money, and one enters into their lives when there are important events - like outings, holidays, birthdays etc. at its worst, some of them do not even wish to talk about their father. It is quite sad. It sounds like they do not think that their fathers have a significant part to play in their everyday lives. I had thought that this passive, hands-off approach to fathering belonged only to a bygone era. Perhaps the strain of juggling with work and family, not to mention the great challenge of communicating with teenage children, is a cause of the father-children relationship chill. This reminds me of how important it is to stay engaged with my children. It also means that active fathering cannot remain as a wish - it has to be a priority, one that has to be accompanied with a deliberate plan and concrete action. But this also prompts a more personal question,"how would I want my children to view me as a father?" I have never asked this question to my children (and, since my older children read this blog, they can perhaps answer this question as comments) nor to myself before. I took a while to reflect on this question. Many words such as decision-maker, carer, visionary for the family, protector, shepherd, stabilizer etc came to mind. But I suppose "leader" sums it all up. I would like my children (and my wife) to see me as one who provides leadership for the family - along spiritual, material, intellectual, and emotional planes. But as soon as you accept this role, you know why it is so tough - leaders have to solve problems, think a few steps ahead, set the example, chart the direction, do unpopular things sometimes, provide a stable environment, do all the above without getting appreciation, and get the blame for any mishaps. I must confess there are times I feel like shirking from it and just let the family glide along without direction and correction. But I know the cost is too great for them and for me. Above all, I believe it is God's calling for me to be a father-leader and He will give me strength despite my inadequacies.