Dad needs hugs

Unknown to me, one of the things that I have grown to look forward to when I step home from work is this: my four-year-old running towards me, take a great leap into my arms, culminating in what we have called a 'tight huggie'. I have always thought that it was a gesture of love that I show to my young son. As time went own, I am beginning to feel that it is the other way round too: a gesture of love from my son that I need each day.

Brought up in a 'typical' Chinese home, I am not used to this woozy idea of a father needing love. So it is a little embarrassing to admit this: I need love - from my wife, and my children. And not just from the occasional birthday gifts and regular acts of duty (something I don't despise though - because children obeying their parents is surely a consistent form of love). I also need regular tangible acts of love. It makes me feel wanted, appreciated, and loved. It makes me look forward to coming home.

Apart from the daily 'tight huggie' from my youngest - and he is the most consistent in the home, I also 'demand' a hug from my wife soon after that. [sometimes, my wife is busy at the kitchen and feels too busy to dispense these morsels of love. The youngest will then call out, "mummy, you forget to hug daddy!"] it is sometimes a nuisance to her - especially when she is about to pour the vegetables into the wok. But I am a bit spoilt - I stand there looking really miserable and mutter something like, "darling, i had a tiring day" until she wraps her arms around me. She doesn't say it - but I know she also looks forward to the hug from me each day ...

Although less frequently, I would occasionally go to my girls' (number 2 and 3) room in the night and ask for hugs too. The number 3 (11 years old) is a bit more generous. When she is on the mood, she would sit on my lap - to hug and kiss me goodnite. The number 2 (16 years old) is more miserly. She has started to feel shy, but still do not mind a hug and a peck on the cheek from me. As to the eldest boy (18 years old), hugs are out for a him - he will stiffen like a piece of wood. But putting my arms round his shoulders and giving him a hard pat on his back are what remains of physical bonding.

I guess we all need to be loved - in tangible ways, and regularly. I don't feel guilty or embarrassed asking for hugs any more.