Coping with 4 children

Whenever I meet a stranger and he/she discovers that I have 4 children, the most common reaction is, "how do you cope?" I usually just smile. actually, I never really gave this question much thought, till a few moments ago ...

As I look closer at myself, I realize that, with time, one of my coping strategy is essentially to lower the expectation for myself - as in the expectation of how much I can do for my children. it is to recognize that, given limited time and energy, I can't do everything. There is a need to prioritize. I guess when some people imagine a father of four children, they think of one constantly under pressure and in action - driving around to fetch children, coaching them in their school work, thinking of ways to earn more money to meet their growing needs, bringing them to vacations, dealing with their naughty behaviors ... [long list]. Actually, thinking about it, I do these things, but not to a point where doing so tires me and rips the enjoyment out of me. For example, I do drive my children to school - but not everyday; I do coach my children in their schoolwork - but not everyday; I do deal with their undesirable behaviours - but not every time.

In fact, a practical way for me to cope and prioritize these things is by way of a fixed
weekly schedule. I coach them in their schoolwork on tue and thur nights. I send them to school on wed, thur, and fri mornings ... But some may wonder, "what if your children want help for school work on other days of the week?" well, if it is a one-off question that requires only a short explanation, I would oblige; but if it requires involved explanations, I would ask them to wait till tue or thur nights. [to me, this is both a way to cope for me as well as a way for my children to learn not to take their dad for granted].

Of course, coping with the needs of children cannot be reduced to just a mechanical adherence to a schedule. I found it also important to deal with our own attitude towards our children. As I always advise my children: if there is something you have to do, it is much better to do it happily. I guess I have to apply it first to myself. Since being a father of 4 children is an 'inescapable responsibility', it is much better to do it happily. I find that once the mindset is one of enjoying the time with the children, the stresses are much reduced.

Ultimately, the answer to the question of "how I cope" is "I can't". At least, I can't do it alone. I have found one of the greatest encouragement of being a christian father is this: only God can move and change the hearts of my children; and I am so glad I can lean upon Him for that.