Like father, like children?

My wife and I were having a chat a few days ago and we chanced upon this topic of how we thought some children we know are so like their parents. "they are so quiet ... Just like their parents"; "he is very temperamental, er ... Just like his father." after a while, as we scanned our minds for the young children/teens we knew, it seemed we could articulate for almost everyone the image of some imprints of their parents in them. We come to the conclusion that, whether we do it consciously or otherwise, some parts of our character or way we deal with things rub on our children. It is not surprising. We are with our children everyday. They observe our actions, the way we talk, and how we cope with problems of life. After a while, it becomes their default mode as well. Like what others say, our children do not learn from what we tell them, but by how we live.

This is scary. because it means that the unconscious learning of the children does not discriminate between our good traits and our weaknesses. we cannot simply assume they pick up all our strengths and filter off our undesirable attributes. This means that I cannot exhort them to be disciplined and make good use of their time while I waste mine away in iPad games. It means I cannot urge them not to be selfish while I am not considerate in the things I do. It means I cannot scold them for not talking nicely while I raise my voice around at home frequently.

For that, I asked my wife to tell me what some of my weaknesses are for a start. She pointed out that I tend to be defensive when i am adjudged to be in the wrong. I argued immediately against it. Well, that proved her point, actually. I guess I need to be conscious of my habitual weaknesses so that I do not model wrong behavior to my children.

But really, I guess the more important thing is to present our genuine human face to our children and confess openly to them our imperfections as persons and as parents. And that, if they rely solely on us as models for good habits and behavior, they will soon be disappointed. I don't think it is necessary nor good for us as parents to give the impression that we are always the best examples for them. If there is one thing we can be example of, it is that we accept one another lovingly as "work in progress" while we set our sights firmly on the One who should be our true absolute standard.