Father on pedestal?

When I first became a father, I thought that being a father is all about standing on a pedestal for my children: someone they look up to always as model as well as for instruction. Of late, I am beginning to learn that I am wrong to think like this on several counts.

First, I realize that learning is not all one-directional: I am the giver and they are the receiver of guidance. Certainly, I know I need to train and instruct my children. I would be a very irresponsible father if I do not take up this duty seriously. But fathering is not all about giving. It is also about learning too. I realize that as I try to help my children grow, I am growing together with them. I grow in patience when I find that they often do not get it all at once. I grow in understanding that some things - like character building - cannot be forced. I grow in knowing how to communicate with them in their changing circumstances - such as when they pass through childhood to teenage years. I grow in humility: i find that there is no sure formula to bring up children. I find that being a father is a wonderful opportunity to learn many things (often, just through interacting with the chidren) and it would be pity if I focus merely on the work of 'teaching them' and neglect altogether to reflect on all these learning points along the journey. I realise on hindsight that I have become quite a different person through being a father.

second, maintaining a permanent pose on the pedestal encourages pride in front of my children. It makes me feel that I cannot make mistakes in front of them; and at times when I do, it is very difficult to admit it and apologize to them. I still remember that the first time I said "sorry" to my children was the most difficult. I felt that it was a swallowing of pride and that it would compromise my 'stature' before them (part of maintaining position on pedestal). It did not help that my parents never apologized to me in my entire life. But I realized since then that apologizing for wrong is a very necessary part of parenting. Apart from setting an example to them that they too need to admit their mistakes and say "sorry" for their wrong, it is a good gesture of authenticity before our children - that might is not right and dad is not above reason.

Third, pedestal standing makes us look very inhuman. If all that my children see about me is a perfect model with no humanness and feelings, then I am not real to them and when they meet with big mistakes/pitfalls in life, they may think I am too 'high' to understand their wanderings. I want to present the "authentic me" before my children. I want them to know that dad is trying his best to set an example before them of living a meaningful life of integrity. But I also want them to know that dad has his weaknesses and struggles. He is living a "real" life - one that, despite his foibles, he is forging ahead with courage and hope.

I would like my children to see me as someone who can provide them with good advice from a higher vantage point - being older and more experienced than them. But I also want them to see me as an equal as a fellow feeling human - someone they won't feel 'small' with, but one they can heartily confide for their lives' problems and joys.