Burden or blessing?

I can't help it - but sometimes, I feel that my children are a form of burden. I know it is wrong to think of it that way, but it is a feeling that I can't deny having at times. The burdensome feeling comes whenever their needs fly in the face of what I have planned or envisioned for myself. For example, on my way home from work, I would envisage returning home to a quiet corner where I can put my legs up, sip some coffee, close my eyes, and be left alone for a while. But as you know, the reality can be quite different. It is not unusual to come home to a wailing child, a black-faced teen, and a daughter rushing towards me to pusk some papers in my face and ask, "how to do this question?" it is in these instances that I feel them being burdensome and something I can do without.

Well, I don't think I can erase this sort of feeling permanently. I am a human being with my own needs after all. But I can smell the dangers of viewing my children as burden. If left unchecked, i will let the joy of being with my children slip away from me; my children will also sense my unhappiness of being with them and may by and by distant from me. I guess the acid test for myself is: do my children see the frowning dad more or the smiling dad more whenever they are with me? I suppose if my 'feeling burdensome' disposition overrides the 'feeling happy' countenance then I would be quite a bore to be with, to say the least. It will manifest in impatience, short temper, task-orientedness, and intolerance. I don't want to be with such a person. I therefore don't blame my children if they avoid a dad like that.

How do I guard myself from slipping into this state? I guess it is ultimately down to how I view spending time with my children. If I see it purely as a "duty" that I must perform, or a serious of "tasks" that I must complete with them, then it will probably reach the state of burdensome very quickly. On the contrary, if I change my mindset and think of spending time with my children as a luxury and a privilege (and it is - because they grow up very fast, and they will soon have their own lives where we won't have such a luxury any more ...), something we should treasure every minute of, then I would approach it not as a burden but a real blessing. A blessing to share lives with them and to walk the journey together with them - happily.

I realize my two older children like to come into my bedroom in the night before we sleep. They just like to hang around my wife and I and have little chats to sort of wind down their day. I used to think that they are a nuisance - disturbing the time I have with my wife. I should start thinking of it now as a blessing. I might give them a goodnight hug (I mean the girl, not the 17year-old boy) and tell them how happy I am that they 'visit' us before they sleep.